It didn't take long today before I realized that I really wasn't ready to go back to work yet, but I was kind of stuck. I figured that, given my still- ballooney- headed state, I could at least enjoy. While testing my voice on the drive, I realized that I sounded like a dying cow. Not putting together that I choked every time I tried to talk, I also attempted to sing. The sounds that have emerged from me today had me absolutely hysterical!!! I was seriously cracking up on my drive. And choking. A lot. By the time I got to work I had already started on my smints. After I quit smoking in 2001, I searched high and low for a replacement. It took several years but I finally found mints. Nothing special; I buy Starlight mints.
I lovingly refer to them as smints. I have been known to have multiple pockets and the black hole (ie my purse) stuffed full of them. When I run out I tend to panic. Like an addict. Yeah, cuz' smints are hard core. And today they saved my life. Thank you.
My smints may have helped me get through the day but I was like a whipped ballooney head when I got home. I crashed. On my bed of awesomeness. It was beautiful. Yes, I may regret this in the morning, but for right now I am in a groggy bliss. I totally needed it. I have provided many people with someone to laugh at today. Like that wasn't hard enough, I actually had to work & be functional all day. I conquered it. I worked hard for that luxury. I earned it. And those are my thanks for the day.
Of course, thank you Jesus for saving us all from our sins, & for loving us despite our many flaws. I love you, Jesus! Amen <3
Friday, January 6, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Day 3 Thanks :)
Today I am thankful for many things. While still feeling like I have a balloon stuck in my head, I spent the day very thankful to be home. I'm still filled with the "doing stupid things" mess that I become when sick. Which makes me marvel at my little girl. While I am convinced that I am dying when I have a sinus infection, unable to focus or function through simple, normal tasks, I have a hard time being able to tell when she is sick. Which really makes me feel like a wuss, but also really makes me want to be just like her. She seems to understand that I am not always Super-Mom. I am, sadly, still just mortal. She is very understanding, and she tries hard to be helpful. Sometimes she even tries to "mommy" me.
More than that, I truly appreciate the relationships that I have with all of my children. Don't think of me as a pushover- if they need to be disciplined we take care of it. Which is probably why my kids are filled with pure awesomeness instead of anger & spite. But also because we talk. We communicate with our kids. Oh, and we respect them as people. How do they respond? With love <3 It's so cool to be able to spend days home with them and never have to raise my voice. (When I have one. Today I couldn't if I tried.) They are so funny together, and individually they are all just so different but enjoyable. Each of them is totally unique, but so sweet. I really feel sorry for people that don't have this type of relationship with their kids. Maybe it's because I have two sick children? Maybe it's because we see the more important things in life, so we worry less about the stupid junk? Any which way, this is why I wanted to become a parent in the first place. If you can't enjoy your kids, why have them? And no, they're not always perfect; just most of the time. :)
Lastly today, I am thankful for humor! Thanks to a friend, I have discovered a new blog obsession to occupy what little free-time I normally have. She made her own version of the pain scale. My favorite post of hers thus far is "Dogs Don't Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving". My kids came over several times while I was reading this to ask if I was okay. I laughed so hard that I cried. For a very long time. Laughing makes everything better. :)
More than that, I truly appreciate the relationships that I have with all of my children. Don't think of me as a pushover- if they need to be disciplined we take care of it. Which is probably why my kids are filled with pure awesomeness instead of anger & spite. But also because we talk. We communicate with our kids. Oh, and we respect them as people. How do they respond? With love <3 It's so cool to be able to spend days home with them and never have to raise my voice. (When I have one. Today I couldn't if I tried.) They are so funny together, and individually they are all just so different but enjoyable. Each of them is totally unique, but so sweet. I really feel sorry for people that don't have this type of relationship with their kids. Maybe it's because I have two sick children? Maybe it's because we see the more important things in life, so we worry less about the stupid junk? Any which way, this is why I wanted to become a parent in the first place. If you can't enjoy your kids, why have them? And no, they're not always perfect; just most of the time. :)
Lastly today, I am thankful for humor! Thanks to a friend, I have discovered a new blog obsession to occupy what little free-time I normally have. She made her own version of the pain scale. My favorite post of hers thus far is "Dogs Don't Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving". My kids came over several times while I was reading this to ask if I was okay. I laughed so hard that I cried. For a very long time. Laughing makes everything better. :)
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Is it legal to nebulize and drive?
Seriously.... is it? Heading to the hospital for Emily's infusion today I was very thankful for a cigarette lighter adapter on the nebulizer. My chest was all tight and heavy; I really needed the medicine. I kept both hands on the wheel :) I found a way to balance the "peace pipe" end between my hands and the wheel. I knew the road, a long straightway. Passing by officers (I have to admit) scared me a bit. I was hoping that if I were to be pulled over, they would be able to tell the difference between albuterol and say.... crack? But it certainly had to be done.
My biggest thankful moment today, the one that made my heart swell the biggest and melt a bit, was with my little people as we were heading back home. We got down to the lobby in the hospital where I made Emily zip up her jacket. (It may be Florida but it was 35F out there tonight.) It has this funky double-zipper that makes it really hard to zip. I don't know how they expect a kid to do this thing when I have a hard time with it. I admit- I was struggling. My little man came over & fixed it for us. He was so sweet about it, so darn cute. He is truly such a sweet, sensitive, amazing little man. He shrugged it off like it was no big deal, but that is just how he is. He may be the first to admit that he's lazy but he's always there to help- especially when it's for me or his sisters. Sometimes I think that he has more class than many adults. I am so blessed to have such caring little people, and that I get to witness the love that they have for each other. For all of its turmoil and chaos, I wouldn't trade my life. Not for a minute.
My biggest thankful moment today, the one that made my heart swell the biggest and melt a bit, was with my little people as we were heading back home. We got down to the lobby in the hospital where I made Emily zip up her jacket. (It may be Florida but it was 35F out there tonight.) It has this funky double-zipper that makes it really hard to zip. I don't know how they expect a kid to do this thing when I have a hard time with it. I admit- I was struggling. My little man came over & fixed it for us. He was so sweet about it, so darn cute. He is truly such a sweet, sensitive, amazing little man. He shrugged it off like it was no big deal, but that is just how he is. He may be the first to admit that he's lazy but he's always there to help- especially when it's for me or his sisters. Sometimes I think that he has more class than many adults. I am so blessed to have such caring little people, and that I get to witness the love that they have for each other. For all of its turmoil and chaos, I wouldn't trade my life. Not for a minute.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Thankful for medical personell that listen!
So, day two brings about what will likely be a recurring theme for me. Today I am thankful for doctors and nurse practitioners that listen. Usually it's our rheumy or pediatric groups. This time it's for me.
As my Facebook friends know, I have a sinus infection. What my co-workers and a few other people know is that something else has been happening. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I found a person that may try to help before it becomes a huge issue. It started years ago as a pain in my thigh that would come and go. No big deal. Then I had a few episodes of my hands locking up, often at work, then while driving. I've had these crazy random, shooting pains that pop up in my knees, shins, & arms, and also hips that occasionally feel like they're on fire at night. I've had random inflammation in my hands that made me have to wear my rings around my neck, and very hard pain in a couple of fingers. When I started writing out Christmas cards my hands locked up. But the weirdest thing, the thing that I started with, is the numbness in my foot. I thought in the beginning that it was maybe my shoes were too tight, or the Dr. Sholl's air pillows brought my feet too high in the shoe. Well, now I don't even untie my shoes, my air pillows are far from pillowy, and my foot keeps going numb. I can go for days without issue, or continuously for days. This isn't including the jacked shoulder or the tendonitis in my elbow. I had broached the subject of RA before with the head doctor. He lied to me, telling me that RA doesn't affect elbows or shoulders. He didn't even let me get to hands. His nurse practitioner however... I didn't even suggest it. (I swear!) I had decided that maybe all of my symptoms pointed to something else. She asked me if we had any family history of RA and if I had ever had an RF panel run. Nope. So, she looked through my labs, saw that my Vitamin B tends to run low, and ordered the RF panel, ANA, & CBC/ CMP that will include vitamin B, as well as a check on my thyroid since it is slightly out of whack. Thyroid issues are autoimmune, and once you are opened up to an autoimmune disease it can be like opening the floodgates. I asked if the vitamin B can be a sign of RA. It may sound weird but once you kind of know how things work... She didn't really say, but said that it certainly couldn't help it. So we shall see. They took 5 vials of blood. We should know some results in a few days. Of course, as I pointed out, Emily has every possible marker glaring out what her problems are, while Zach is sero-negative (arthritis present but doesn't show in the blood work). I'm just happy that someone has taken this seriously before it becomes crippling.
Oh, & I'm also happy that I was home sick again today instead of sick at work. I knew that I needed to rest & recoup some energy. Tis lovely to be home and resting instead of running around like a chicken with my head cut off all day!!!
As my Facebook friends know, I have a sinus infection. What my co-workers and a few other people know is that something else has been happening. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I found a person that may try to help before it becomes a huge issue. It started years ago as a pain in my thigh that would come and go. No big deal. Then I had a few episodes of my hands locking up, often at work, then while driving. I've had these crazy random, shooting pains that pop up in my knees, shins, & arms, and also hips that occasionally feel like they're on fire at night. I've had random inflammation in my hands that made me have to wear my rings around my neck, and very hard pain in a couple of fingers. When I started writing out Christmas cards my hands locked up. But the weirdest thing, the thing that I started with, is the numbness in my foot. I thought in the beginning that it was maybe my shoes were too tight, or the Dr. Sholl's air pillows brought my feet too high in the shoe. Well, now I don't even untie my shoes, my air pillows are far from pillowy, and my foot keeps going numb. I can go for days without issue, or continuously for days. This isn't including the jacked shoulder or the tendonitis in my elbow. I had broached the subject of RA before with the head doctor. He lied to me, telling me that RA doesn't affect elbows or shoulders. He didn't even let me get to hands. His nurse practitioner however... I didn't even suggest it. (I swear!) I had decided that maybe all of my symptoms pointed to something else. She asked me if we had any family history of RA and if I had ever had an RF panel run. Nope. So, she looked through my labs, saw that my Vitamin B tends to run low, and ordered the RF panel, ANA, & CBC/ CMP that will include vitamin B, as well as a check on my thyroid since it is slightly out of whack. Thyroid issues are autoimmune, and once you are opened up to an autoimmune disease it can be like opening the floodgates. I asked if the vitamin B can be a sign of RA. It may sound weird but once you kind of know how things work... She didn't really say, but said that it certainly couldn't help it. So we shall see. They took 5 vials of blood. We should know some results in a few days. Of course, as I pointed out, Emily has every possible marker glaring out what her problems are, while Zach is sero-negative (arthritis present but doesn't show in the blood work). I'm just happy that someone has taken this seriously before it becomes crippling.
Oh, & I'm also happy that I was home sick again today instead of sick at work. I knew that I needed to rest & recoup some energy. Tis lovely to be home and resting instead of running around like a chicken with my head cut off all day!!!
Monday, January 2, 2012
New Year's Resolution
I am the type of person that either doesn't make new year resolutions, or I make them & don't stick to them. However, thanks to an amazing friend of mine asking people to make a resolution in memory of a special little girl named Marlie who lost her cancer battle this week, I thought I would try to blog daily about little blessings & what I'm grateful for. I spend much of my time thinking about the bright side of things & trying to stay positive. I kind of have to. After all, my previous resolution for the new year was (jokingly) to not have a nervous breakdown. At this point, we've already been through so much that I feel I'm way too strong to fall apart. I can say that this is why I don't drink. As evidenced by my years of smoking, I don't just do things halfway. So, since that was just silly & Marlie seems to have been an amazing child who deserves to be honored, this seems more appropriate.
I resolve to make a post daily of what I am thankful for. It may be small, it may be grasping for straws, but it will be positive. And perhaps we can turn a few people around, make them count their blessings.
If you have ever listened to missionaries speak about their trips, many talk about the water. Many foreign countries have little clean water. Their water causes great sickness. Can you imagine not even having clean water? Living in a hut made of mud? We are so blessed to be living in this great country. Yes, we're struggling, in a recession, the future looking uncertain. However, our worst still can't compare to the best in some countries. So, today I am very thankful to live in the USA. I am thankful to have a real roof over my head, a job that I like, food on my table, 3 amazing children & a husband that I couldn't love any more than I do. We have everything we need. And there are the little things like butterflies, wild flowers, gentle breezes... I'll save those for another day. We are blessed <3
I resolve to make a post daily of what I am thankful for. It may be small, it may be grasping for straws, but it will be positive. And perhaps we can turn a few people around, make them count their blessings.
If you have ever listened to missionaries speak about their trips, many talk about the water. Many foreign countries have little clean water. Their water causes great sickness. Can you imagine not even having clean water? Living in a hut made of mud? We are so blessed to be living in this great country. Yes, we're struggling, in a recession, the future looking uncertain. However, our worst still can't compare to the best in some countries. So, today I am very thankful to live in the USA. I am thankful to have a real roof over my head, a job that I like, food on my table, 3 amazing children & a husband that I couldn't love any more than I do. We have everything we need. And there are the little things like butterflies, wild flowers, gentle breezes... I'll save those for another day. We are blessed <3
Monday, October 17, 2011
Counterbalance
Definition of COUNTERBALANCE
1
: a weight that balances another
2
: a force or influence that offsets or checks an opposing force
This is a word that often echoes in my head, the story of my life. Honestly, I wasn't even sure that it was a real word at first, but it echoed in my head so much that I had to check.
For those of you that are not on my Facebook, or haven't kept up on the blog that I keep for my daughter, I try to stay non-judgmental. I am a reborn Christian (in other words, I have a personal relationship with Christ, and I try to lead by example- not by criticism or badgering). I have friends that are pagan, friends that are Wiccan, friends in the Metaphysical church. I'm pretty happy if people have something to believe in. While I'd love everyone to share my views, that would make the world an awfully boring place, wouldn't it? I try to help others in any way that I can, and I try hard to do the right things. Yes, sometimes I still find myself swearing or saying things that I shouldn't have, but I'm not God or Jesus Christ; therefore, I'm not perfect :)
This week has shown my family an overabundance of blessings. In summarizing the past 18 months, you will see what I mean.
May 2010- My husband loses his job of 13 years. I partially blame myself. I prayed for it to happen. I prayed for change for years, but it didn't happen. He hated it there! So, I changed my prayers to "God, I know it may be very hard, but please change his job situation for the better any way that You can to make it better. I realize that we may have a very hard road ahead, but I trust you."
October 2010- My daughter is diagnosed with 2 diseases in addition to her Juvenile Arthritis. She is hospitalized for 6 days. Praise God, for Kevin is able to be home with her.
November 2010- Emily has almost doubled her weight from steroid swelling. The grief that we felt watching her self-esteem going out the window, watching her feel so uncomfortable, and struggling from diseases is enough to kill us. The steroids also change how we hug and cuddle her, and how her hair smells and feels.
November also found me at my Endocrinologist, discussing my husband's problems during my appointment. She ordered a body scan, a sodium-free diet for many weeks, and after everything else, radiation.
December 2010- Emily doesn't even want anything for Christmas. She's so depressed that she can't find any joy, until we are blessed with a secret Santa that left 2 huge boxes at our doorstep. They contained food, gift cards, and toys and clothes. The whole family had gifts left. It was so sweet, so beautiful! We also found out that Emily qualified for Make A Wish.
January 2011 brought Kevin preparing for his body scan by going off of the medicines that he needs to control body temperature, brain function, hormone regulation, and a slew of other things. This was when he started to really feel the discomfort of being off of his meds again.
March 2011- Make A Wish came out to discuss Emily's wish. We had to change our first appointment time with them because we were given the wrong information about Kevin's radiation. The whole "yes, you can stay in the comfort of your own home as long as you have your own bathroom" was quickly changed to "you need to be in isolation, no less than six feet away from anyone". We panicked and it was hard, but the time flew by. He was exhausted, but he isn't showing any signs of cancer! (Praise the Lord!)
May 2011- We had an AMAZING trip to Disney World and Give Kids the World Village! Emily's wish trip was pure magic. She met Rapunzel, and even though she wasn't feeling great, she had the best week! We also realized that we were so used to living frugally, about half of the money that MAW gave us for the wish trip was still sitting in our account. We wanted to use it for something fun for the kids since that's why we had it.
July 2011- We had the opportunity to go to Washington D.C. for the Juvenile Arthritis Conference! We had a scholarship, and we decided that would be how we would use the rest of the Make A Wish money. We had an amazing time at the conference! We met so many people, many of whom I had "met" first on Facebook! We spent a day on the town, had 2 hotel snafu's, and on the way home we went camping in the Great Smoky Mountains. I so appreciated the camping and driving around Cades Cove. I finally felt relaxed! I think that it was around this time that I started seeing rainbows everywhere. Yes, real ones.
August 2011- While my father is out of town, my mother finally feels poorly enough to consider going to the doctor. Knowing that she wouldn't go unless she were dying, I suggested a trip to the Emergency Room since it's like one-stop shopping. That trip finally revealed what we pretty much knew anyway. I had told her she had cancer, though I thought it was liver cancer. No, it turned out to be a baseball sized mass in her color. It had broken through the colon wall and attached to the stomach lining. Mom was severely dehydrated and malnourished going in, but she survived that, her colon didn't explode like they were afraid it would, she survived the surgery, and defied the odds once again by not having any cancer in her lymph nodes or liver!
September brought us to more doctor appointments for my mother. This is about the time that I realized that my parents weren't quite understanding what was happening in those appointments. Very frustrating for me.
Emily had an IV port surgically placed this month. It makes me very angry that she needs something like this, but it will improve her quality of life and our anxiety levels. The week of her surgery my son came home from school with a large gift card from WalMart. We used it for groceries. (Thank you!)
And days before the port surgery my son tells me that his jaw is clicking. Much of the month was spent trying to figure out how to get him checked out since, by this point, our finances were dwindling quickly. The fear is that it may possibly be the start of Psoriatic Arthritis, an autoimmune arthritis that affects people with psoriasis. I'm hoping that my baby boy doesn't take after his big sister with this!
September also brought Kevin to his doctor. He told her what to prescribe for him this time, and since she listened, he's feeling pretty good! He's finally feeling more like himself now.
October brought a family weekend trip to Camp Boggy Creek. By this point, we again desperately needed something GOOD!!! We were afraid that we'd have to cancel because we didn't know that we would have enough money for gas, but we had to try. I'm so glad that we went! We shouldn't have, but it was a weekend filled with big meals, and a doorway to help for my son. We were by this point down to canned and boxed foods. We had enough, but our choices at home were very limited. We weren't starving, though! While at camp, I asked a rheumatologist to check my son. She thinks that he may have a little arthritis in his finger, but even if not, they could see him for his psoriasis. This led me on another mission to get labwork handled and appointments made. His psoriasis is so bad right now that I can't wait for him to be seen!!! Also, Emily started to have more severe stomach issues. When my boy sees the rheumy, my daughter will be seeing the gastro doctor.
Days after getting home from camp our cable/ internet/ home phone were shut off. We had never, ever had anything shut off before like this. We could see no time in sight that we would have it back up, and I realized that the cell phones were next. We decided that we needed to cash in his 401K. It doesn't have much in it, but it should be enough to cover some bills. Also at this time, Kevin had an interview that seemed promising. After two interviews, they called to offer him the job! That wouldn't have been possible without another gift from God. He sent us a miracle. While we were cool with not having the internet, while I knew without a doubt that everything would work out because He is with me and guiding us, He had an angel pay our cable and our cell phone bills for us. I have no idea who it was, or why they did it, but I know that this had to be divine intervention. I also saw 3 rainbows and a bunch of butterflies this week. I am so, so thankful. We all are. My family is amazing, my children are very good and very well behaved, our house is filled with love and laughter, and we all feel blessed by this huge act of kindness. We are already planning how we can use this to help other people. Once we're back on our feet we'll have to pay it forward.
Every time something bad happens, something good follows. You may not choose to see it, but it's there. It's a counterbalance. If life were all good, we'd be very spoiled and not very nice. If life were all bad, we'd be cranky and not very helpful. But instead, God made our lives a little bumpy. For those of us who stand leaning against Him for support, I think our step is lighter. The burdens aren't as heavy on our feet, or our hearts. For those that don't believe in anything... I am in awe. How do they do it? How can they stand on their own? How can they find peace, comfort and happiness? I have found all of that in my rock, my strength, Jesus Christ. I don't worry much. I let it go to Him. I am free! I really think that we're on the road to getting back to normal. The time was right for Kevin to be home before, but I felt the change, and I know that now is his time to get back to himself. His new job seems like it may be perfect. And I am marveling at watching how God has us working in little ways in each other's lives. How cool is that? I know that we are loved, we are protected, we are cared for. So blessed. <3 Please, open your eyes to the things around you. A buttercup or butterfly can bring such joy, but you have to choose to notice it first.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Can anyone spare a clone?
On the way home last night, I stopped by my parents house to check in. I am now feeling like I need to go supervise at my mom's appointments. As far as her medical condition, she's doing extremely well!!! She's still tiring very easily but fatigue aside, she's almost back to normal. I tell you, she's made of steel! Except for her ears... I think they're all wax.
As soon as I got off the phone with my dad about my mom's oncology appointment, I blogged about it. I took notes while speaking to him, and blogged away. Last night, I walked in the door to mom saying, "Well, I've decided that I don't want to listen to the doctor's if there's only a 1 in 5 chance". Woah, stop. The doctor's had excitedly given her a 70% chance for the preferred radiation treatment, and a 1 in 5 for the chemo. At first they wouldn't listen; I finally got some logic into their heads. (The simple math alone! How can 1 in 5 equal 70%???) I will stand by any logical decision she chooses to make, as long as it is informed and well-thought out. If it's made because she can't hear or she forgets the options... well, let's just say that doesn't fly with me. I had asked him to record the appointment with his cell phone so he could refer back to it, but he forgot. The worst part is that they weren't very concerned. I had originally anticipated a problem, but I really thought that we were out of the woods. I have decided to take the day of her next oncologist appointment off so that I can go with her. It doesn't matter as much now because she went to her new primary care doctor today, & she doesn't want her to make any decision until she gets the reports back from the oncologist. She wants to sit down with them and explain everything, and make sure they understand. Thank God that my dad has been seeing her for years. She'd be in big trouble without him, I think.
My dad had requested copies of the files from the hospital, so I started looking through the 45 pages. It's amazing how many things they repeat several times. In one place, they make reference to her "absent uterus". Ok, to me that means "not filled" or "empty". Apparently, in the grand logic of my dad it means "missing". Mmmm hmmm. Yeah, missing. I finally had to point out that, since she has no medical history, no surgeries except for a tonsilectomy as a child and eye surgery, wouldn't someone have been a little suspicious if her uterus was missing? Really? I'm pretty sure that would bring up some questions, but he's arguing with me! That's what he does; I cannot possibly be right. Then, he tells me how upset he is reading this because "according to the paperwork, she knew for at least 8 months that there was a problem and she hid it from us!" I laughed at him and pointed out that I told him in March that she had cancer. He says "I forgot you said that." Can you say liar? I pointed out that he argued with me then. He told me that I was "being dramatic, she just needs to eat at Sweet Tomatoes more". Yeah. Let me say that I have enough drama in my life from everyone else. I don't need drama, I don't like drama, and frankly, I don't have time for it. Just the facts, ma'am. However, when I see a problem, I want to jump on it before I run out of time or forget about it. When it comes to medical stuff, I realize that taking care of things before it spirals out of control is a good thing. Grrr!!! They really need to start listening to me. They always said that I can't handle stress, until the past few years. I have triple the stress that they've ever had with all that we're going through in my house. I can handle it better than anyone I know! I explained that I've learned how to have a clinical approach to medical issues. I can handle it way better than my dad can.
Oh, and the tumor? The report shed some light on the size. "CAT scan of the abdomen and pelvis showed a large tumor, 9x8x6- cm obstructing tumor in the distal transverse colon in the left abdomen at the level of the iliac crest, with the right colon measuring 10cm in width". That makes much more sense than 65mm. I'm really starting to believe that I need to babysit them more when it comes to decisions. It really makes me sad.
As soon as I got off the phone with my dad about my mom's oncology appointment, I blogged about it. I took notes while speaking to him, and blogged away. Last night, I walked in the door to mom saying, "Well, I've decided that I don't want to listen to the doctor's if there's only a 1 in 5 chance". Woah, stop. The doctor's had excitedly given her a 70% chance for the preferred radiation treatment, and a 1 in 5 for the chemo. At first they wouldn't listen; I finally got some logic into their heads. (The simple math alone! How can 1 in 5 equal 70%???) I will stand by any logical decision she chooses to make, as long as it is informed and well-thought out. If it's made because she can't hear or she forgets the options... well, let's just say that doesn't fly with me. I had asked him to record the appointment with his cell phone so he could refer back to it, but he forgot. The worst part is that they weren't very concerned. I had originally anticipated a problem, but I really thought that we were out of the woods. I have decided to take the day of her next oncologist appointment off so that I can go with her. It doesn't matter as much now because she went to her new primary care doctor today, & she doesn't want her to make any decision until she gets the reports back from the oncologist. She wants to sit down with them and explain everything, and make sure they understand. Thank God that my dad has been seeing her for years. She'd be in big trouble without him, I think.
My dad had requested copies of the files from the hospital, so I started looking through the 45 pages. It's amazing how many things they repeat several times. In one place, they make reference to her "absent uterus". Ok, to me that means "not filled" or "empty". Apparently, in the grand logic of my dad it means "missing". Mmmm hmmm. Yeah, missing. I finally had to point out that, since she has no medical history, no surgeries except for a tonsilectomy as a child and eye surgery, wouldn't someone have been a little suspicious if her uterus was missing? Really? I'm pretty sure that would bring up some questions, but he's arguing with me! That's what he does; I cannot possibly be right. Then, he tells me how upset he is reading this because "according to the paperwork, she knew for at least 8 months that there was a problem and she hid it from us!" I laughed at him and pointed out that I told him in March that she had cancer. He says "I forgot you said that." Can you say liar? I pointed out that he argued with me then. He told me that I was "being dramatic, she just needs to eat at Sweet Tomatoes more". Yeah. Let me say that I have enough drama in my life from everyone else. I don't need drama, I don't like drama, and frankly, I don't have time for it. Just the facts, ma'am. However, when I see a problem, I want to jump on it before I run out of time or forget about it. When it comes to medical stuff, I realize that taking care of things before it spirals out of control is a good thing. Grrr!!! They really need to start listening to me. They always said that I can't handle stress, until the past few years. I have triple the stress that they've ever had with all that we're going through in my house. I can handle it better than anyone I know! I explained that I've learned how to have a clinical approach to medical issues. I can handle it way better than my dad can.
Oh, and the tumor? The report shed some light on the size. "CAT scan of the abdomen and pelvis showed a large tumor, 9x8x6- cm obstructing tumor in the distal transverse colon in the left abdomen at the level of the iliac crest, with the right colon measuring 10cm in width". That makes much more sense than 65mm. I'm really starting to believe that I need to babysit them more when it comes to decisions. It really makes me sad.
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